Tommygun

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June 2005
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Thursday, June 30th

New challenges

music: 1st movement, Beethoven's 5th Symphony
mood: Bold

It's hard to take a new path in life when so many want you to stay on the established paths in life. Like walking in the woods, people will always keep you from leaving the trail to venture in a new direction. But sometimes the rewards are richer by going where no one else has ever gone, and if not, at least you satisfy your own curiousity, which in and of itself is worth the trouble. My latest foray involves using the brain God gave me for more than figuring out simple problems and learning things bosses don't really want you to know. For example, I've been in the food service business so long I could manage an account, but that's not something the boss wants to hear. Osmosis is not respected as a learning process in these times of ours: it worked out much better in the past, when you could start as a paperboy and become a sportswriter, like Sid Hartman. Nowadays that's not possible, and I think the world is a worse place because of that overreliance on going through the proper channels. Ergo, I must be in charge of my own creations, without worrying about whether I fit someone's mold, because I know what I can do, and I do it well. I should be wary about who I speak to, but I know I will make good. It's just a feeling I have; a feeling I have denied in the past, because I too fell in the same mental trap as the rest of society, but the feeling gives me strength so I dare not deny it anymore. I have lots of poems to publish, and my new screenplay is almost finished, which I think I can produce for a mere $75,000. Those of you who think that's a bunch of shit can think what you want, but those who are intrigued and willing to lend a hand would be amply rewarded. Don't forget: The Blair Witch Project cost a few thousand and made millions, while its sequel spent millions and made thousands. There's a moral there, one which if you figure it out will make you glad to support your local lunatic, namely your humble narrator, me.
tommygun on 06.30.05 @ 10:41 PM CST [link] [No Comments]


Monday, June 27th

Civilization

music: Piece of Crap by Neil Young
mood: Upset

There needs to be a moritorium on civilization on this planet. In a world of rapidly depleting supplies, it is folly to want everyone to live like Americans, especially in harsh environments like the Sahara Desert or the Arctic Circle. Those people should stick to camels and reindeer, respectively, and not start using jeeps and snowmobiles. There's enough places where people live like wimps, without having people live like wimps in places where wimps have no place being in the first place. Let nature be, and let people be part of nature; quit forcing ourselves and our damnable pretensions on every primitive corner of our world. Naturally, that also means no more exploration for oil: use what we have, and find a replacement for the garbage soon, preferrably within the next ten years. Otherwise, even the civilized parts of our globe will start turning nasty, and the wild places will lose their unique character. More about this later, as part of an ongoing series of essays about our doomed planet. That's happy news, eh?
tommygun on 06.27.05 @ 04:42 AM CST [link] [No Comments]


Wednesday, June 22nd

spirituality

music: atonal humming
mood: extraterrestrial serenity

This should be the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever written, and that includes every essay question I ever had to answer where I wasn't sure about the answer, but knew if I just used enough big words and long phrases, the teacher would not dare to fail me. I once had a strong mystical side, but it's been replaced over the years by a harsh, scientific mindset. Perhaps if the hypocrites running our world into the ground didn't use matters of the soul to further their ill-conceived, misbegotten schemes, I might be more likely to say Hallelujah and smile mindlessly at everyone I pass by. But when a second-rate con artist like G.W. Bush (a.k.a. The Great Mediocrity) proclaims J. Christ his favorite political philosopher in 2000, and then proceeds to spend $160 million lying to people, I feel a sudden urge to implant electrodes in everybody, save myself of course, and conduct several scientific experiments to answer the age-old question, "How stupid can you people get?"
Unfortunately, the Golden Age of government grants passed on in the late '70s, and if I had that kind of money thrown my way, I'd spend it on several low budget movies and on my music; I'd also buy a private, uncharted island shrouded in mystery that I could keep hidden from my fellow human beings. I'd also go to Flameburger a lot, it being the best hamburger I've had, and since it's only a hamburger, it's not worth trying any other burgers, to tell you the truth. While eating a Super Flame, I could say various profound things to my waiter and the cook, and with luck get a free order of their fries. I imagine a bold new age where the Flameburger on Rice Street is as renowned as the restaurant where Socrates drank the hemlock, but far safer and tastier, since hemlock is NOT on the menu.
Being poor, however, it's been months since my last visit to this most perfect of grills, which I consider a grave injustice. How can I believe in a higher power without the great taste of beef, fried onions, ketchup and mustard mixing in my enraptured mouth? Nay, it seems all this God-talk and new-age soul searching is just a bunch of nonsense, so unless someone takes me to Flameburger soon, it's time for some inhuman experiments on each one of you. It could become a reality show on Fox.
tommygun on 06.22.05 @ 08:04 AM CST [link] [No Comments]


Thursday, June 16th

Internet sweepstakes

music: Overkill by Motorhead
mood: Peeved

A couple of weeks ago, a pair if eyes popped up on my screen and I was told if I guessed which of three Hollywood movie stars they belonged to I would receive $100. Being poor, and being a big Sherlock Holmes fan, I used deductive reasoning to figure out that they belonged to none other than the wildly overrated Angelina Jolie. I was a winner! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!! What I won was the right to waste twenty minutes of internet time filling out surveys, which got so sickening that I soon began answering no to every question in the hope that I would soon be set free. Eventually, it said if I applied for a Discover card I would get a Visa gift card for the aforementioned $100. So, guess what, cyber-kids? It then said I would get the gift-card after I activated the credit-card. Naturally, in a matter of days I received a letter from the Discovery people saying I wasn't eligible for their credit card. "What can you do Holmes?" Aside from just taking it, I think I should give Visa, Discover, and Angelina Jolie a hard time until one of them forks over my deserved prize. They'll rue the day they began messing around with bogus internet contests.
tommygun on 06.16.05 @ 06:13 PM CST [link] [No Comments]


Internet sweepstakes

music: Overkill by Motorhead
mood: Peeved

A couple of weeks ago, a pair if eyes popped up on my screen and I was told if I guessed which of three Hollywood movie stars they belonged to I would receive $100. Being poor, and being a big Sherlock Holmes fan, I used deductive reasoning to figure out that they belonged to none other than the wildly overrated Angelina Jolie. I was a winner! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!! What I won was the right to waste twenty minutes of internet time filling out surveys, which got so sickening that I soon began answering no to every question in the hope that I would soon be set free. Eventually, it said if I applied for a Discover card I would get a Visa gift card for the aforementioned $100. So, guess what, cyber-kids? It then said I would get the gift-card after I activated the credit-card. Naturally, in a matter of days I received a letter from the Discovery people saying I wasn't eligible for their credit card. "What can you do Holmes?" Aside from just taking it, I think I should give Visa, Discover, and Angelina Jolie a hard time until one of them forks over my deserved prize. They'll rue the day they began messing around with bogus internet contests.
tommygun on 06.16.05 @ 06:13 PM CST [link] [No Comments]


Monday, June 13th

Phone fundraising

music: calliope circus music
mood: ironic

I am so ashamed. I was laid off as a professional telephone fund raiser. I thought I had done well, but I guess I didn't badger widows and heart attack victims like I should have so they let me go. I was getting into the talking to strangers who didn't want to talk to me, but I guess I want vengeance now.
All telemarketers should be rounded up into a big pen, where there are no phones, so no one can be bothered by their inane pitches again.
What did me in was that I was reluctant to use their dubious statistics. Since they rely on emotion to raise their funds, they must realize that few will question their data, and most who would hang up on the callers before they can get into the big pitch, much less the rebuttal. For example: "Did you know that 1 out of 8 people will be involved in a fire in their life?" Sounds scary, but I think they must count bacon fires put out in ten seconds, for which there must be twenty thousand for every raging inferno that actually threatens a life. God forbid I should be burned for my skepticism, but I'm sure glad they let me go. Now I can do something more honest: paid assassin. Hahahahahahahaha...just kidding.
I could never do that. To kill for something as arbitrary and ultimately worthless as money offends my senses. So I'll just hone my musical act, finish my screenplay, and find the money to produce it myself.
If you've been reading, it will be a public service fantasy, a new genre for the new age. Cool, and sweet. Also fabulous, collassal and stupendous. Only $75,000 and it's a big hit for sure. Then when I get called up for a donation I'll pretend I don't speak English. Now that's cool.
tommygun on 06.13.05 @ 08:43 PM CST [link] [No Comments]


Saturday, June 11th

Beauty

music: Mozart 5th Violin Concerto, 2nd movement
mood: Serene

It is a wonderful world. Even the annoyances have their own special charm. Lord knows I get on
people's nerves at times, but like Einstein said, "Great spirits are often met with violent opposition by mediocre minds." So enjoy each moment for what it is, because it will soon transform into something else. All seasons come to an end, and life is reborn anew, unless of course there's an NBA lockout. But that's another subject for another day, when there are no other fish to fry, or bake. That would be healthier.
tommygun on 06.11.05 @ 03:43 PM CST [link] [No Comments]


Friday, June 10th

bad business

music: Beethoven's Appassionata Sonata, 3rd movement
mood: angry

I'm all for people from other countries coming here to work, but I am livid that people in management positions don't hold them to certain standards, like being able to speak English. They don't need to speak like a college professor, but they should be able to make sentences and understand simple commands. Why must they hire the ones who are too stupid to pick up the language even after 6 months in the country? Why don't they just fire them when it's obvious they don't have a clue, and are incapable of ever getting it together? Is it pity? Pity is okay to show to people who are grieving, or ailing, but when it's the basis of your business decisions you're going to end up with all sorts of worthless people on your payroll, and alienate those people who are doing a good job.
There's also the safety aspect to consider. In kitchens, where I find myself working, cooperation and communication are two of the three C's. Well I have to work with someone so stupid that he can't understand anyone after 5 months: if there's some crises, he couldn't warn me and wouldn't understand what I'm saying to him. The result would be my injury or his, or maybe others. It's not right. Young Americans are out of work, and bozos in high places instead hire people who have no business in a working environment until they have a rudimentary understanding of the common language. At least get the guy an interpreter if you don't want to give a kid a chance.
tommygun on 06.10.05 @ 01:27 PM CST [link] [No Comments]


Monday, June 6th

movie

music: We're in the Money
mood: jovial

Seeking out financing for my movie, now churning through my brain, I've been asking all my e-friends for their help. In the meantime, I've got a new job and I'm playing the lottery to keep up some cashflow in the coffers. My movie will be a public service fantasy, the likes of which no Hollywood hack could ever dream of, since it never was the plot for an episode of The Honeymooners.
I liked the new Star Wars movie and all, but I think all the crap that gets made is a waste of time and money. Since 90% of all movies suck, they should just make the 10% that are good and make the rest of the bozos wait on tables or clean pools, or whatever bad actors do when not making rotten movies.
Maybe Paulie Shore and the Baldwin brothers can lead a crack team of bad actors over to Iraq, in order to ferret out roadside bombs. Don't forget to take Martin Lawrence and Adam Sandler with you.
That's all I can think of from the cultural and strategic side. Keep the faith and make me happy. That's all for now.
tommygun on 06.06.05 @ 08:15 PM CST [link] [No Comments]


Sunday, June 5th

internet service

music: Ride of the Valkyrie
mood: indignant

These e-businesse must be run by real idiots. They send you their lame pitches, then when you want to give them a chance because you feel sorry for retards they suddenly don't recognize your e-mail address. Funny, huh? I wish we could put an end to this kind of crap in our times. I'll figure it out later.
Right now I want to talk about how much trouble our disposable culture is in.
I don't worry so much about myself, but what about the fatfucks, paraplegics, spastics, and mentally challenged people? They won't have a chance if civilization collapses. Even if someone wanted to save them, society would lack the resources to help out these troubled souls. Obviously, our only hope is that I get filthy rich, rise to a position of prominence, and get all the gas guzzling greedheads to change their rotten ways.
Together we can make it. Without my help, you are all doomed. Send me that cash my pretties: it's going to get grim around here real soon.
tommygun on 06.05.05 @ 03:05 PM CST [link] [No Comments]